Monday, March 5, 2018

All My Exes Sent Me Textses

I have a very complicated relationship with my cell phone. You see, I enjoy having the wonders of the internet at my fingertips, but I hate actually speaking to people. I always wear my headphones on the subway while commuting to and from work even though I'm not usually listening to music, just because headphones generally prevent the crazies from talking to you. But sometimes the phone (which my headphones are plugged into) rings. That's the worst. Actually, that's not true. Text messages are the worst. Text are never good news. They're messages from my boss or coworkers asking why something didn't get done at work. They're messages from family letting me know that someone is in the hospital, and I should go over and see them, because it might be the end. They're messages from friends with bad news, asking me to call them as soon as I have some time to talk. When I get a text alert, I look at my phone and think, "Ugh, what now?" I've never liked text messages.
I remember when I first got a cell phone, I was dating someone who was a few years younger than me (my sources inform me that she still is). She communicated primarily through text messages. My phone calls would often go unanswered, but texts would be replied to before I could even put my phone down. Every text got a reply, even if it was just with "k". This was back in the early days of wireless carriers, when they charged for everything they could.  Using your phone on a weekday? $. Roaming? $$. Long distance? $$$. Text messages? Ka-ching! Every text message sent or received cost me a dime. Anytime she sent a message that didn't require a reply, I didn't reply. But she replied to EVERYTHING.
"I'm on my way over. I'll see you in 20 minutes."
'k"
"I'm not going to make it tonight. My boss called and offered me a last minute job. I'll see you tomorrow night."
"k"
"I'm exhausted from work. I'm going to take a nap before we go out. I'll call you when I wake up. Please don't contact me for the next hour or so."
"k"
Those "k"s were costing me a fortune.
One day, she asked me why I didn't reply to all of her texts. "Because every text costs me money," I replied. "I don't exactly have much extra cash to put towards my phone bill, because you always want us to go out, and my parents don't pay my rent, unlike yours." It turned out that she had no idea that text messages cost money, because her parents paid her phone bill, too.
She wasn't the only friend that overtexted. I had a friend who, before cell phones were big, got a beeper because his parents never gave him messages when his friends called for him. He asked me to start paging him instead of calling him, and he would always get back to me immediately, often from pay phones.. Later on, after we got cell phones, we shared an apartment, and I would call him from work to ask him a question about any number of things; bills, mail, groceries, etc. I would call him at times when I *knew* he was home, but I'd get his voice mail. I'd leave him a message, and before I could even finish leaving the message, I'd get a text from him saying "What's up?" So I'd finish leaving the voice mail, and I kid you not, a few minutes later, I'd get another message saying, "I saw you left a voice mail, what's going on?"
Now, I was a waiter at the time, and sometimes I'd be REALLY busy, and I would struggle to find a few seconds when I could place a quick call, get a quick answer, and go back to work. And this guy, the same guy who would call me back immediately after I paged him a few years earlier, wouldn't pick up the phone unless it was a text. So if I had the time, I'd text him back with, "I'm working, so listen to my voice mail." A few seconds later: "Can't you just text it to me?" Finally, I snapped. "IF YOU HAD PICKED UP THE PHONE WHEN I CALLED, THIS FUCKING CONVERSATION WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER IN TEN SECONDS."
Funny story, I haven't spoken to him since I moved out of that place.

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