Knowledge that every man needs.

This post deals with crude topics, and should not be viewed by anyone under the age of 18, or anyone with a history of heart problems. The language contained within is graphic. Actually, the language is English, but it's very graphic English. The topics dealt with are taboo in many aspects of our society, so prepare yourself for a discussion about the forbidden.

I have just now figured out the secret to getting laid.

It turns out, you have to put your penis in her vagina.

The rest, I assume, is simple.

I have compiled a list of my extensive knowledge of women, and will translate this information into surefire strategies for you to dazzle women into participating with you in the act of fornication. Also, sex.

What do we know about women? Well, there are many different kinds of women, all of which have their interests. Some women like rugged, outdoorsy types. Other women like Twilight. The first group of women are known as "hot girls," while the second group is known as "fat, unlovable women with a hundred cats." For now, we shall concentrate on the first group.

What do you think of when you hear rugged, outdoorsy type? I think of a cowboy. What are cowboys good at? Lasso tricks. That means you should carry around a large rope with you at all times so women will think that you might bust out the lasso tricks at any time. You don't actually need to learn any lasso tricks; women will subconsciously connect seeing you with a rope to the ability to perform lasso tricks.

"But Jack," I hear you saying. "What if I go to a bar and there's a cowboy at the bar? Wouldn't women be more attracted to him? Also, what if he challenged me to a lasso trick contest?" I understand your concerns, but let me assure you, I have contingency plans in place. First off, don't go to a country bar. This drastically reduces your chances of running into a cowboy. "What if I go to a non-country bar and see someone dressed as cowboy?" Then you should turn around and walk out, because you've obviously stumbled into a gay bar.

Let's continue to examine what these women are interested in. When you think of an outdoorsy activity, what do you think of? I think of camping. And who goes camping a lot? Boy Scouts. Now dressing up as a Boy Scout will not attract most women, so we need to go deeper into the Boy Scouts (just like my scoutmaster did). What is the Boy Scout motto? Always be prepared. So make sure you let women see that you carry a knife with you, so you can free yourself if a lasso trick goes wrong. This is very important. Seeing that knife will make women realize that you are responsible. They'll know that if they should choose to engage in intercourse or sex with you, that 1. you'll have protection, and that 2. they can rely on you to not to post the videotape on the internet.

Let me share with you an observation that I have made about the outdoors, that you may not have picked up on. There are no radiators out in the wild. That means that it can get very cold. In order to convince a woman that you are truly an outdoorsman, and not just faking it, you need to look like you have been out in the cold for a long time. Perhaps this is your first venture into civilization in years! What could be more attractive to a woman than that? To convince her of this, you need to wear a black ski mask. "Do I need to wear it in the bar?" you ask. YES. This is very important. How better to convince a woman that you live out in the wild than by not understanding the concept of the indoors? You sleep under the stars and don't understand why is so warm in here, so you must keep your mask on in case it gets cold!

This creates a problem, though. Despite loving rugged outdoorsy types, women are notoriously shallow, and will never agree to copulation or sex if they can't see that you are good looking under your mask. Obviously, taking your mask off would ruin the illusion you have created. Also, you're probably ugly. How do we resolve this? You must bear your teeth at all times, so that she can see that you have excellent dental hygiene. If your teeth are attractive, then she will have to come to the conclusion that you are attractive, as well.

Now we must turn more to the abstract. There are certain qualities that women look for in men that can not be expressed physically. The first one is directness. Women are busy. They have lots of important things to do, like purchasing and applying make up, going to the bathroom in large groups, and standing in the kitchen, waiting for men to tell them to prepare foodstuffs. They don't have time to play games, like learning things about you, such as your name. They want a man who will come straight out and express what he's looking for. In this case, it's sex.

Finally, this is extremely important. women are attracted to confidence . Women don't like men who aren't sure of themselves. You can't have any doubt in your mind that you are going to score with this woman, and perhaps even have sex with her. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of ways to express confidence, so you're going to need to avoid expressing signs of a lack of confidence.

Now I understand that if this is your first time trying this technique, you may not feel particularly confident. That's okay. I have some final tips for you to build you up. First, you should find a woman who is leaving alone. That is a surefire sign that she is not currently in a relationship. Also, she won't have friends talking to distract her from what she should be focusing on: you. When you see a woman leaving the bar alone, follow her. Before she can reach her car (or whatever form of transit she may use) you must talk to her.

Remember these keys: Insecure people keep their hands in their pockets, women love good hygiene, be direct, and don't ask any questions. Confident people don't ask questions; questions are for losers! Confront her, hold your hands in front of her, so she can see your rope and knife, bear your teeth, and keep them clenched while you say, "Shut up and let's have sex."

With moves like this, no woman in the world will be able to resist you.




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